Remembering

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking about a trip I made two years ago. It was about this time of year, and I know that every year at the end of April, early May I will think back on an event that changed everything.

The day was absolutely beautiful. The sun was shining brightly, the wind was blowing and the temperature was perfect, not like the past few days which had been filled with a suffocating humidity.  I was just walking out of my last class of the day, quickly saying goodbye to friends before heading home. As I walked down the tree-shaded sidewalk I pulled out my phone and realized I had a missed call. It was my mom and I quickly dialed her back, planning to tell her about the class I just left.

I could have never expected how altering that phone call would be. And to this day as I walk down that sidewalk I can’t help but think of that sunny April day. You see, when my mom picked up the phone, she had that strained voice. The one where you know something horrible has happened. She quickly told me that my friend’s mother had passed away a few hours ago.

My heart suddenly seemed to be gone. This was completely unexpected. She had been sick, but over the past few days everything seemed to be fine. What was worse, is that my friend didn’t know yet. Her father was on the way to tell her.

I have never felt so sick in my life, and I instantly questioned God. How could he do this?

I turned around to find my friends, who were amazing the whole night. They went back to the apartment with me, where we waited, and prayed desperately. I saw a different side of all of them that night, a side that cared for a girl and a family they had never met. A side of them that cried with me and understood the moments when no words would suffice.

I remember the most heartbreaking phone call with my friend. I remember the tears. I remember the questions. I remember packing my backs and emailing my professors letting them know I would be gone till finals. I remember lying in bed, trying to sleep before driving home to be there when my friend arrived home from school.

I drove home the next morning. I don’t remember much of the trip. I do know that it was an act of God that I didn’t get a ticket. I got to my friend’s house a few minutes before she did.

I remember the hug, I remember the tears, and I remember the silence.

Friend, there was nothing I could say then, and there is nothing I can say now. I cannot possibly understand, and while it has been two years, I know that doesn’t lessen your feelings. Always remember that I am here whenever you need, with hugs, tears, and silence.

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